12/20/2011

Mr Nobody in reality

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I just realized the moment which was a big big crossroad in my life and where one decision in my life affected it in more ways than I could imagine.
It was some years ago, when I applied for EVS for the first time. I wanted to go to work with children in Italy in a place called Bari. I nearly got there but on the last minute I was told another girl was chosen for the project.
I would have gone to Italy in July 2009, the month where I had my first camp with people with learning disabilities. The camp, which had such an influence on me that I decided to volunteer in some other places and had the first idea of going to Maarja küla. If I had been in Italy at that time, I wouldn't have had that camp, I wouldn't had gone to the village, I wouldn't had met G, who changed my view on life in many ways, opened my eyes about lots of things and became my best friend. I would have never met Judith who has become a great friend of mine, all the other people in the village, would probably never have become such good friends with one of my classmates (Teele, yes, I'm talking about you), Kirke wouldn't have been my apartement mate and wouldn't have gotten to know my friends the way I knew them (probably), wouldn't have met people in Italian youth exchange and changed their lives. Two of my brilliant friends wouldn't have been introduced more closely to each other (because I was the one who introduced them) and they wouldn't probably have become a couple that they have been for about 2 years already (yes, Kerttu and Karl, I'm talking about you now).I would have never had the chance to apply for the EVS again and come to England. I would have probably never met so many so amazing people who, mostly, have turned me into who I am right now.
I would be a completely different person, maybe working with children or organizing youth projects or whatever... I know I would be a completely different person.
I started to imagine myself as this other person and I'm happy I didn't get the positive answer from Italy.  Imagining my life as it is described in the movie "Mr Nobody". Different timelines. Wow, this feeling right now is powerful. This tiny decision didn't change only my life..... A bit like a butterfly effect in some ways as well.
Things happen, when they are supposed to happen. I now believe in it. When there's something happening in your life (even if it's a tiny event or decision and it doesn't seem to be fair at the time), it is always good for something. You might understand it after a while (as time goes by), like I just did.
Now I understand why they say that there is something good in something bad.

Such a tiny decision, not controlled by me - and look where I am right now! Or where I could be if I had gone to Italy......
Successful, I'm sure, in both lives, but I think I'd rather have this one. Or, it's not the right way to say it.... I can't say it because if I had gone to Italy I wouldn't have known the other way- the life I have now. The life I absolutely love, with the deepest passion a person can have!
It's such a deep emotion that scares the hell out of me.....

That's Mr  Nobody in reality. In my life.

PS: I know there are many very important decisions in my life I've made, that have changed everything completely.Going to my high school could be counted as the most important decision as well. But, this was not a concrete moment in time, it was just a thought in the beginning and then developed and it was a decision I made in 3 years when I was 12-15 years old. But....  The Italian moment is more spectacular, because it's a tiny decision, not even under my own control, that changed so much. That milestone in my life was just so tiny step at that time but a big step for the whole life (Like "a small step for a human, but a big one for the humankind". - Louis Armstrong). I can't explain in words properly, how the fail of the first EVS attempt was the biggest change in my life, but I definetely know now, it was.

PS2: Another mystery solved- I have thought for a long time what could be the most important moment in my life and now it just appeared to me. Out of nowhere. Like the idea for my eye-tattoo (a simple drawing on my body which has a very important meaning to me as well).

And I believe in such visions, as one could call them. They are powerful. And they have to be right when they just appear to me the ways they do.

12/14/2011

Am I just begin paranoid?

3

After Putin's party won in Russia with obvious cheating (I mean 140% as the result of all the parties altogether in the elections), I've become a bit suspicious about everything. After Putin won, he told that USA has provoked the riots in Moscow and put all the blame on USA. Sounds like picking a fight? Oh alright.... Well, besides that, there were some news about Russia building some rocket thing near Kaliningrad a while ago. Some months ago. It was supposed to be a response for americans building a rocket shield somewhere near Belarus. But well.... Yeah. Don't want to comment on it. And also, Putin's government threatened to give up the contract they made to finish the cold war. The contract which limited the countries on producing senseless amounts of nuclear weapons. Hmmmm.....
Then there have been news about the Russians becoming better armed in military and improving their weapons. There have been years of trainings for young soldiers in Russia (hardcore trainings). Also, russian government has created militray bases near the border of Estonia. They have broken the airborder lots of times. The bronze soldier incident in Estonia a while ago.
It seems like the attacking of Georgia was some kind of a test to see how the world will react. And the test results seemed to be pretty good for the Russian government. So now they are moving on....
Trying new limits.....
Am I the only one who's actually feeling that this is not right. That there are lots of signs similar to what happened before WWII. (getting closer to Germany- the gas cable (yeah, Germany, I think, will be safe and not dangerous after the losses they had), spies in London who tried to get infromation from British parliament members, breaking the border with the planes, riots in Estonia (like october 1924), cyber attacks, georgia, the provocations, etc.....). There are lots of things to bring parallels with.
And to be honest, I'm scared.
I don't want to say this, but to me it seems, that the Russians are preparing for another war.
And it hurts to think about that. With all the technology people have now.
And well, EU seems to be like the second version of the Union of the worlds, which, as we know, tried to say to Germany, Italy, China and Russia that war is bad, the countries ignored the organization, stepped out of the organzation and there came the WWII. And the organization came to an end.
Lots of things...
People, open your eyes. Think about what I said.
Ain't it right?

12/12/2011

12/10/2011

If one thing becomes right, then the other goes wrong....

2

I've got a nice life here and I've got friends. And until now I also had a nice work. I still have it in most ways, but I feel that even though I have the freedom to express my opinion, no one listens because I am simply a volunteer and shouldn't have a say in important things. Also, I have realized that whatever faces people make at your work (co-workers), if they aren't happy by something you say or do, they don't tell it to you, but to the manager who then goes and talks to you. And even if they have told me some rules I haven't heard of before and I understand them when they are told to me, they still tell to the managers as well, who then come and have a strickt talk to me. Why do people have to talk behind my back? When something bothers me, then I say it to the person and won't involve other people into it. But no.... this is the way things work in the UK.
And is asking 4 questions really a criss-crossing? One of our workers was off for some weeks and I asked her what was wrong with her and if she's better now and how often can she work. She didn't want to talk about it much, so I abandoned the topic. And then she went and told the managers about me criss-crossing her. She could have said straight to my face to stop asking questions. No..... Instead, she went to the manager who then came and talked to me the following day (not the same day before I went home) when I got to work that I shouldn't ask people questions. Sweet. Nice start of the day. They really don't think that things like this affect the work, do they? I'd rather have conversations like this before I go home, so it wouldn't affect my work.  And.... how am I supposed to make friends, if I am not allowed to ask questions from people or try to be compassionate.
Never mind. I've decided to just talk to most of the people about work, nothing else. Nothing about my personal life. And to follow the rules.
Sometimes I also don't know what I should do. Some workers suggest me one thing and the other tells different and then when I try to find the best way by telling to one person the suggestions I got from the other I am being told off. And if I want to explain why I was suggested this option or why it could be good, I won't be able to do it, because the person I'm talking to just says they are not interested in what other people have to say about things and suggest and that they don't care.
So what should I do? Follow the rules, not ask questions, try not to channge people's attitudes (some people have not got the proper attitude towards work or when they do something wrong and I try to help them I'm being told off because I'm simply a volunteer who knows nothing - even if I have worked in the place longer than the person I'm trying to help and know some things actually more).
So a volunteer's life- no opinion, try to make friends but don't look like you are bothered and ask questions.
Hippocrytes- they tell me I do a brilliant job and then they talk behind my back, can't say things to my face, don't let me explain why I do things the way I do and don't take my opinion into account. Oh what's more- once when one of our residents died in the hospital I found out about it during a conversation with one of my co-workers. So yes- don't tell the volunteer the information she has to know about the residents she has to work with. Because she is just a VOLUNTEER.
I like the residents I work with and some of my co-workers are nice. But this is not the place I want to work permanently. The attitudes of people are wrong for me.
But I'lll also be a hippocryte and behave the way people behave towards me. What do I have to lose? Nothing- got only 1,5 months left to work here now.
And I will make my best for the residents have a nice time 'til I'm still here.
But yeah, fuck some of my co-workers (not all of them, just those ones who talk behind my back and can't say things straight to my face).

It already feels like it's time to move on. When smaller things start to annoy me more and more and I can't do anything to change them, then it's time for me to back off. Move on to other places. Try to make a difference to someone else's lives, where I'm actually allowed to do it. In a place where the volunteers actually feel like they are part of the staff, not just some people hanging around in the place as if they've got nothing better to do. Why waste my life on things like those when there are places I could actually do something and change things?

12/04/2011

Speed of time

1

I've noticed that recently all my co-workers have started to use more british humour with me and are trying to test how much I would understand. So far I've been doing quite well. I understand most of it. So they are testing me harder and harder. It's fun. We get to laugh a lot during our breaks. And the jokes are nasty and dirty. I love it! I had missed the irony and sarcasm a lot and now the brit humour has replaced it here.
I'm enjoying my time here.

And time is flying!
Can someone, please, slow down the time? I mean, if I could I would actually quite like to get stuck into this moment and not get out of it.
The beginning was hard- the first 3-4 months are the hardest and then you get used to the different life. And you start enjoying it properly. And then time flies and the nice time ends.
It will be replaced by some other great time, but this one I'm having here, I'll never get back again. Which is really sad.

Right now I'd like to jump off the train of time. Or pull the emergency stop button. It would be quite nice if we had those in our lives. To be the masters of our own time. To master the speed of it.

Because sometimes we all would like to speed the time up or slow it down, or even stop.
But we can't.
It's a shame.


12/03/2011

11/27/2011

Just another thought

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While I was busy counting months 'til I can return home, the time was flying past faster than the speed of light. And within a moment I realized it's nearly over - which made me count the days I've still got left to enjoy my life here.

In the meanwhile, while in Scotland....





11/21/2011

Realization of a life

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Today, when I went to the leisure centre, I got a lift with a friend of mine to there. When I stepped into the leisure centre, 3 of my aqua-fit and other classes friends came out. I just greeted them and then one of them dragged me with great enthusiasm to see one advertisement about a christmas evening and asked if I would join in, looking very happy and exited about it. I first thought, that I might not go, because it's pretty expensive but then I looked at my budget and I can manage to go. So I just texted the friend to let her know I'm joining them.
In the leisure centre, everybody always greet me and know my face. I know people in the area. I've got friends here to go out with.
I just realized I have a life here now. It's not the same as some months ago. I've got really good friends here. I have got a leisure centre where I go with my friends. It's my leisure centre. I've got a local home pub to go to. I've got home. When the project ends, I could find a job here. I could actually live here. And that feels frightening. Having those feelings, when I miss Estonia as crazy, plan my trip home, have everybody waiting for me. It's just weird.
I'm scared of having a life here.
So far I managed to avoid (yeah, exactly- avoid) having good friends here so that it'd be easier to return home. But without noticing I've managed to get myself a real life here. It doesn't seem like some kind of a EVS-bubble anymore. It seems real.
And that frightens the hell out of me right now.

Guess I realized today, where I actually am and what I'm doing. Guess I woke up.

11/19/2011

Scotland

1

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to all the people who have been waiting for this post the whole week (I know there are some) - I had to play the guitar for the residents at work this week so I had to practice this week. But now I'm gonna tell everybody a bit about my trip to Scotland.

My trip started off on Wednesday morning and I flew from Bristol to Inverness. My mp3 player didn't play after I had gone through the security- I guess the x-rays had some effect on it. But yeah, I flew to Scotland in silence.
When we got below the clouds I started to look out the window to see if I can recognize Loch Ness from the above as it is located very close to Inverness. And, surprise, surprise. We flew over it. It seemed big from the plane.
But when I got to the airport, I managed to get the bus to Inverness in 5mins so I was at the city central pretty early. I decided to get my ticket for the Loch Ness tour and then went and got some postcards and wondered around in the town. It was a small town- everything was in the easy-walking distance. The sun was shining, it was a warm day. I went to the rives Ness that flows through the town, saw the Inverness castle. Just wandered around. Then I went to the bus station to start my tour to Loch Ness. There were about 10 people altogether going on the tour and then off we went. The guide wasn't as funny as the one I had in Ireland but I found out some interesting things. Jimmy Page used to have a house next to Loch Ness for 10 years.
Then we got to Loch Ness and got on the boat which took us to the Urquhart castle. It was a lovely drive- the mountains surrounding the big lake, some wind, sun starting to set soon. I could sense a little bit of magic in the air as this was still supposed to be the home of Nessie. Unfortunately I didn't see any monsters in the water. There were some statues out of the water but nothing in the water. Loch Ness is the biggest water reservoir in the UK and it gives more water to people than all other reservoirs put together. Loch Ness is by the way more than 200m deep.
During the boat trip I started to talk to one Indian guy who was visiting his sister in England and was on a short trip to Scotland. We talked the whole afternoon and in the evening as well. The guy was 24 yrs old and didn't look like a typical Indian. He reminded me more of Spanish or Greek men. He looked cute. And he spoke really good English and we had lots of things to talk about. It's a bit sad, he's living in India.... Anyway, by the time we got to the castle ruins, the sun had already started to go behind the mountain tops. It was a lovely sunset, we walked around in the remains of the castle and spoke and took pictures. I really loved that day because I was in a lovely nature and got to travel. The nature in Scotland is a bit similar to the one in Estonia- I really miss the fur trees which we don't have in the Southern England but Scotland had it all. The autumn looked like the Estonian autumn- t was lovely. And I was on the same latitude as Estonia.
In the evening me and this Indian guy went to a pub and he wanted to buy me a drink. Such a gentlemen. So we talked and talked and it was a lovely evening. Then he had to catch the train to Glasgow and I sent him to the station. After that I returned to the pub where I had another pint and wrote all the postcards and posted them before I took my train to Aberdeen.
Oh, one thing I found out about India that I find really interesting and odd- they have all the people divided into different classes based on people's middle names that come from the ancient times. So they have the upper classes, middle class, lower class and "untouchable" people. The last ones are so bad classification that when you even talk to them you have to wash yourself in the sacred river. The people aren't allowed to marry anyone in the lower class then themselves. The girls who marry to a person in the lower or upper class, will automatically become the members of the class they are marrying into. But the classes are just names- the highest class can be cleaners and the lowest class members can be doctors. So it has nothing to do with the occupation. I've never heard of anything like that.

But yeah, Aberdeen.I got there pretty late, but Sirle came to the train station. It was nice to see an Estonian after such a long time. And speak to someone in Estonian face to face. We went straight to Sirle's apartement and talked there for a little bit and then went to sleep. Sirle had a test at school in the morning so I got to sleep late. It was nice. When she got back from the school we had some breakfast and then went to the city. Aberdeen is really grey. It's all made out of granite and it has no colour in it whatsoever. But the buildings looked nice- like most of the architecture in the UK. The schoolhouse was lovely- it was a really old house. Typical british building. Then we also went to the library which had been opened some months ago. It was a building made out of glass and really modern. I liked it. Will put some picturs here as well.
We walked around in the city, went to botanic garden, walked by the river, saw the biggest building in Europe that's made out of granite, saw the statue that prince Charles had opened in October. It was a bit damp and rainy weather so we decided to go and grab a meal from Subway and then headed back to Sirle's apartement. By that time her roommate Kirsti, had also gotten back home. I didn't see her in the morning- I was asleep when she went to school. Kirsti, by the way, went to NRG also. We all talked for a while about lots of things, were a bit nostalgic over NRG and then saw also another former NRG student who graduated in the spring. Didn't know her before. There are by the way, 4 people from NRG in Aberdeen right now.
In the evening we went out and tried a cider called Brothers, which had different flavours- toffee, strawberry and lemon. It's the first cider so far in the UK that I have actually liked. After some while we went back to the apartement and to sleep as I had to catch a train early to go Dundee.

In Dundee, Teele was already waiting for me in the train station. We went straight to her place with a taxi because she had a lecture in the school she had to attend and then I just watched a movie at her place and stayed in the internet. When she got back I made pancakes while she finished one of her studies. Then we got a bit into a state and tried to watch Grey's Anatomy. It was interesting- I didn't manage to follow it all the time but never mind. I'm always slow on thinking. After the movie we went to a pub and tried to watch Estonian football game with Ireland but it wasn't in TV at the pub we went to, so checked the core through phone. Teele's friend also joined us and we walked around in the city and Teele showed us her dreamboat- the "Unicorn" and the city at night. Then we eventually ended up in a pub with live music. One more of Teele's friends joined us and it was a fun night. After the pub we all went back to her apartement and continued the party over there with T's roommates.
The following day we went up to the highest hill (to me it was a mountain) in the middle of Dundee. It was a clear day with sunshine and it was lovely up there. I had a half-an-hour hangover which, I deeply suspect, actually came from the Mcdonalds' food I ate in the morning (yeah, I know now for sure- it's not the thing for me and I don't like it). But it was a lovely day out and it was a brilliant view from the top of that hill. Dundee is twice the size of Tartu and has 150 000 inhabitants, so it's a pretty small city. But I quite liked it. The whole day the friend of T was hanging around with us and we all went to a university-leisure house where we had a pint. After that we went to T's place to get ready to go out. T works in a club where she takes photographs of the drunken people and then puts them into keyrings and sells them. So she got me and her two friends a free pass to the club and we went there, got couple of shots. A friend of T (I'm not gonna tell the names here, he's the one who was with us the whole two days), told he'll never get drunk and he will never go on the dancefloor. Well, I managed to get him into the state where he was dancing the whole night and was drunk as well. But I didn't get drunk although I had couple of really good and strong shots. Nevermind. After the club finished, T had to stay in the club for some more time and me and T's friend went to his place to wait for T. From there we headed to T's place where we just spoke and "stared" at the ceiling (or I watched T's friend staring at the ceiling and just laughing and acting odd....).  When T's friend left at about 5am we went to sleep and in 3hrs time I got up, had a shower and then we went  for a breakfast in the town and saw the Remembrance day parade a bit and then I catched a train to Edinburgh.

Edinburgh is lovely. The moment I stepped out of the rail station, my mouth fell wide open. Everywhere you looked- stunning buildings. Just amazing! I met Maarja and Karl and then we headed back to their place where we just put my bag. On the way to there we walked past a cafe where J.K. Rowling had written "Harry Potter". We grabbed a coffe from there. I can say- it was a lovely creamy cappucino that I had. After we had dropped off my bag, we went  to see the city. It was nice, sunny day, and we went up the the Edinburgh castle, walked the Royal Mile, climbed up to the Arthur's Seat. Edinburgh is located on top of 7 hills. Lots of places with lovely views.We walked around a lot on that day and in the evening just stayed in and drank some wine because Maarja wasn't feeling that good. We talked a lot about my work, Maarja's work, Karl's band and their life in Scotland. It was a lovely evening.
The following day we went to see some more Edinburgh. Walked on the Princes Street and the Grassmarket. We also wanted to go to Colton hill but Maarja wasn't feeling that good and Karl had to go to some meeting, so I went up there by myself.  It was a bit rainy, so I didn't stay there for long. I got back to the central and started to look for a place to eat haggis. I walked a lot on that day between the tourism information, Royal Mile, Princes street. The pubs were too expensive so I wanted to buy some haggis from the shop but one shop in the central had only veggie haggis. I got really annoyed by the end of the evening. I must have walked about 7-8 miles on that day. I felt like a local already.
When I got back to their apartement, me and Karl ate some haggis because Maarja was at work and she didn't like lamb (by the way- haggis is a bery disgusting sounding traditional Scottish dish, made out of the leftovers of the stuff in the sheep's stomach, but it tasted actually pretty good. You just shouldn't think what youre eating, otherwize you're not able to eat it). Yeah, haggis was a lot better than I expected it to be.
After eating we went out to a pub in the Grassmarket which had live music. The man who was playing, was really good. His fingers moved on the guitar neck with incredible speed. Karl was really admiring his playing. At one point, when the artist had a break, the guys in the pub started singing some song and most of the pub joined in. It was some song in Dutch, as I heard later from the bartender, but he didn't know why those guys sang the song. I've never seen anything like this in a pub, so it was very very cool :) We were just staring with Karl, really surprised. But it was an enjoyable evening. Maarja didn't join us so we went back to their apartement, soon. And then went to sleep. I had to go to the airport really early in the morning so I left in the darkness.
As I had slept really little, I slept throughout most of the flight and my friend, Pam, picked me up at the airport and took me home where I just slept and behave really lazy.

About Scotland overall- it was a great week and I really enjoyed it. It was warmer than I expected it to be, because everybody told me it's gonna be colder than in south. But it was actually the same or even warmer. Less rain, for sure. I had taken all my winter clothers with me, which I actually didn't need much. Heh.
I expected Scotland to be a bit more stunning but it didn't impress me as much as I had expected. It was beautiful, you can't deny that, but to me, Ireland is more amazing.
But. I love Scotland as well. I have a MacDonalds' clan tartan pattern scarf now, too.
Scotland's definetely a place to see, I recommmend it to everybody. I just wasn't that impressed, because it was in some ways like Estonia which I'm used to. But, Estonia has lovely nature, so defientely worth seeing.

11/18/2011

The wonders of maths

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You want to buy a shirt that costs 97 pounds. You don't have the  money so you borrow 50 pounds from your mum and 50 from your dad. 50+50=100
You buy the blouse and you have 3 pounds left. You give your mum 1 pound and your dad 1 pound and you have 1 pound left for yourself. You still owe your mum and dad both 49 pounds.
49+49+1 (pound that you have)=99
Where has one pound gone?

The reasons to love boot camp

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I absolutely hurt today after yesterdays' class. I sure as hell love it more than any of the other classes I'm doing altogether.
I did it so hard yesterday that at one point I was out of breath and felt I'm nearly gonna vomit. I didn't notice how I got that far. But I feel it all today. Every move I make is so painful. All the muscles in my body just kill me. But it's nice pain. It's lovely, because I know I've done something good and it's for the good purposes.
What I love about the boot camp is the fact that while doing it you don't notice how heavy the weights you're lifting and running around with, actually are. After, when you have to take all the equipment back to the storage room, you almost can't lift it off the ground. But when you're running (and I mean running) around with it, you don't simply notice.
Sweet. I wish we had something like this in Estonia as well. I'd definetely do it!

11/07/2011

Climbing again

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Today there was a really nice and sunny autumn day outside (10 degrees), so I decided to go to the Gorge and use up parts of my Gorge&Caves Explorer ticket that I got from a friend of mine earlier this week.
So I went up to the Gorge, had a look into Coughs' Cave and climbed up from the Jacob's Ladder to walk a little bit on top of the cliffs. I discovered that you don't actually need a ticket to go on this walk- you just have to know the places to enter to the trail from (I'm local :) ). Anyway, I was up on top of the cliffs which had magnificient views, I went into the caves and enjoyed a nice day out. Fresh air and hiking is good.
So, some pictures I took as well (by the way, I love my camera - it takes pretty good pictures indoors when you know how to use it).

And I almost forgot to tell- my mum and sis are coming here on the 26th Dec-30th Dec :) Brilliant!




Bowling

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Besides complaining about how much I miss Estonia, going to Leisure centre, playing guitar, planning my Scotland trip (mostly dreaming about things I'm gonna do and talking to Teele about it), sleeping, eating, watching movies, I also go to work. Yes, I haven't talked much about it here- the reason for that is simple- usually it's not much unusual going on and I'm not allowed to talk about my work in public websites, anyway.
But now I've got a little bit to talk about. Naming no names and just talking.
Well. I had my supervision and told to my mentor about everything that bothers me. Nice.
Then I've realized that EVS which in fact doesn't allow me to take any responsibilities in my work, is not the best thing for me. I need power. I need to organize things, be in charge of sth. There were couple of days when there was just me in the activities and I was basically "in charge" of it. Well, all I had to do was to get all the residents to come there, make some coffees, make sure that everything goes well (put on videos or help with the activity that was happening at the specific time) and then take the residents down again. But- it felt like I'm in charge of something. Oh, and it felt so damn good. It motivated me the best. So yes- for me to give my best at work - just give me loads to do, put me in charge of sth and I will give my best and run around like crazy and enjoy my work the most.

But. What I actually wanted to talk about was one outing that I made last week. To be more specific- I went to play bowling with two residents. It was so cool- they enjoyed it completely, me and my co-worker as well. We were laughing all the time, we took lots of pictures. And it's amazing- the place had special ramps and equipment for people in wheelcairs- so they had a ramp to put the ball on and to push it to roll towards the pins. Brilliant! The result of this day out is that in 3 weeks time I will go again with at least one of those residents I went with. Because she enjoyed it so much! After that day (Wednesday) she went on and on about it- telling me that 3 weeks and then we go again, showing me pictures that she printed out, showing me videos. So lovely. One more fact that made the residents who I went with, happier - I basically lost. I became third but the resident who was fourth lost only with couple of points. But in the second game we used special ramps on the side of the bowling trail, which prevented the ball from going off to the side of the lane. And I managed to bump my ball there many times. So basically- I lost. And they were so happy about it. Telling me the whole day that I lost. Laughing at me. My co-worker hasn't let them forget it either. They are all just laughing at me now. Well, whatever makes them happier! It amuses me as well :)

11/06/2011

11/05/2011

"Proud" Estonian

3

Yesterday evening there was a big accident near my home and I read about it in the Estonian newspapers. Then I read the comments- they were about English people driving on the lefhandside and just with a bad tone towards English. And then I added a comment that I live near the place and am worried about my friends because they use the motorway the accident happened on, quite often. And then came all the negative comments about me- that I dont care about Estonia and my nationality, am basically a traitor.
And I still want to believe that Estonia is the best country in the world? After receiving comments like this from the people from my own nationality- they just comment, not knowing the background. They don't know what I do here, how long I am here for, and why I am here. They just comment. Stupid.
We're supposed to be a nationality that sticks together, but I don't see that. It's just the fact that when you are abroad, then you are betraying us.
Those people who commented, they don't know how much I actually miss Estonia, how I plan my trip home every day for the past 2 months already. They know nothing about me and what I'm here for. But they are all just commenting. Just accusing.
How should I be proud of my own nationality when my own nationality is more cruel than lots of others I know?

10/30/2011

Bristol Zombie Walk 2011

2


I'll start from the very beginning.
About a month ago a couchsurfing friend of mine made a post into facebook about a Zombie walk and I asked him what's it's all about. And he gave me the link to a Zombie walk group. Only the date of the walk was confirmed. So I thought I might go to Bristol on that day and have a look. Then, as couple of days passed, I decided I will go there as a Zombie and take part in it. Some days later I changed my mind again because getting to Bristol and back would have been complicated whilst looking frightening. Then, on Thursday evening, after coming home from Boot camp, I thought that oh, what the hell, I might as well dress up. Although the buses don't go and I can't stay for the whole event and so on and so on....

On Friday evening I coloured my blouse and ripped wholes into my leggings. My costume was ready. Now I just had to go to Bristol.

In Bristol I had a little bit of time to get some stuff I still needed for my Scottish trip and then I went to Cabot Circus's toilets to apply my make up. While I was doing that, lots of people had amused expressions on their faces whilst looking at me. Then I stepped out of the toilets and left the mall and then one woman about my age just saw me and jumped and screamed a little bit. Brilliant! The costume was right and working. And I already managed to frighten someone.
Walking to the gathering point was fun- everybody were staring at me with amused faces and some of them looked frightened and jumped a bit. It was so hard to stay serious and walk on without bursting out laughing. I had a hot dog and sat in one place for a while. I also topped up my cell phone and when I entered the mobile-store then the salesman over there lifted his hands as a sign of surrendering. I told him not to worry- my cell just needed food.

Then I headed towards the gathering point and on my way there I met a guy who had perfect movie make-up on and looked really scary. His name was Kyle (with blue contact lenses and whole head done properly with blood and blueish-grayish colour, and teeth looking broken) and we talked a while. Then arrived some more people dressed as Zombies. Everybody took pictures and we had to pose for some photographers and I took some pictures as well. And then some more people gathered and I saw my CS mates and talked to them and we took a group picture as well (I published it in the previous post). It was interesting to see so many people looking so great. Thousands of Zombies gathering. I'm not gonna tell whose Zombie versions came to the walk because I will just put the pictures here. But I can say that my favourite was Willy Wonka and Oompa Loompas :) They looked just brilliant.

Then came the time to start invading the central. The zombie-hord walked to Broadmead all craving for brrraiinnnnnssss. All bumping into each other. I made a very scary brrrraiiiiinnnnns-sound and walked as if I had sticks instead of my feet, my hands were stretched out and head leaning partly on my shoulder as my throat was cut by knife. I went around and touched the heads of the people and all the people were just laughing so hard. And I made altogether about 10 people scream a bit, also. We scared people in the cars, photographers, when public transport buses slowed down, we went to the windows and clinged to the bus, all thirsting for some brains. It was so much fun. And even though it was a bit cold I didn't feel it because I was so busy walking and scaring people and just simply having fun.
I couldn't do the walk 'til the end, because I had to catch the bus back home but I heard that some cunts and put some fireworks exploding in the bearpit in the audience and some idiots had climbed the police vans, so there were altogether 5 people arrested. There had never been anything like this before. And some people also took it as a political march against cuts and whatever all the people in the world are protesting against at the moment. But those were still rare exceptions. There were also civilians who were "shooting" the Zombies trying to save the earth but they obviously failed because Zombies can't die. They tried to shoot me once too, I pretended to fall down and then got up again to get their brrrrrraiiiinnnnsssss!

Anyway, on my way home I got many amuzed looks in the bus. When I waited for the bus home from Weston then one guy walked past me and told me my lipstick is a bit all over my face- I just took off my jacket and then he replied "Say no more.... " and went away, laughing.
On the bus some people came on in Winscombe and went to the Bonfire in Cheddar. They talked to me and told me I looked brilliant. One of the guys loved travelling and had camped next to the Talybont reservoir where me and G camped and then we just talked until I had to get off. The lad looked really hot, by the way.
When I got home I scared my family and friends in Skype a bit and then tried to get all the paint off from me.
And then went to sleep, having nice Zombie-dreams.
The mission of the day was accomplished- I managed to scare people and had lots of fun! I hope there will be another Zombie walk next year (the organizers doubt it because of those idiots vandalising) but this year's walk was just brilliant!


















I wish we had stuff like this in Estonia.