I've committed a crime

What I mean by the crime is that I have started to like crap music. Seriously, all the "Price tag" and "I gotta feeling" and "Hello" and all this kind of stuff... I just got it all into my computer because I missed it since I left UK. I heard it every damn day at work from the radio and at the leisure centre as well and today I wanted to listen to some of it and decided to download it. And I'm listening to Heart radio from the internet because this was the radio station I heard the most while in the UK.

So dear lord, forgive me for committing such a sin. I know I'm a criminal, but please forgive me.

Just another life :)

For the past couple of weeks I've been mostly studying and working. I had a weekend off last week and then went home to do a cultural evening for my youth club. Instead of the 0,5 hours I was supposed to talk, I did it for 2 hrs. Some of my sis's old schoolmates were there as well and I was really impressed by their behaviour and they were actually interested in what I told them. They have grown up and actually behave normal. Such an amazing discovery! We ate cheesy chips and just talked a lot.
And yet again, about my weekend- I tried to study, didn't manage and also discovered I can't stand to be at home longer than 2 days- if I stay more, I just go slightly crazy over my parent's behaviour. I think I've just grown apart from their view of life and we just don't understand each other any more. No wonder- I still moved away when I basically turned 16. And now I was away for a year as well.
What's interesting is the fact that my father has changed his mind about men in my life and is now desperately trying to talk me into getting myself a boyfriend. In the meanwhile my mom still thinks I should wait 'til I settle down. I agree with the last part of it, but I don't agree to the "no men" policy... :)  Though, I'm kinda forced into this situation right now as I've got absolutely no time for a social life besides the one I have at school, at home or at work. And that's about it. I don't have even time to go out any more.
My school's getting harder and harder. I'm kinda enjoying it and actually studying a lot more than I did before I went on a gap year. It's a big change about my motivation. I've spreaded lots of my homework so that I don't pile all the deadlines up for one week as it used to happen before. And now I have to focus on my seminary work, for which I have to hand in the primary project in less than a month.
And also, I'm doing experiments with real subjects! I can't tell a lot about it here right now because we're in the middle of the experiments but next week we'll finish with them and then I can tell a lot more. Right now I just know the feedback from all our subjects and they absolutely loved our experiment. It's really exiting- I hope the results we'll get are good enough for something statistically important to come out of them. Would be nice to know that our zero-hypothesis is right. But I can't tell what it is right now. Soon, when we've finished processing all the data with SPSS, I can talk about the results :)

In the end of May I'm gonna go to Riga for a CS party and it seems that there's gonna be Baltic Pride at the same time. We had a talk to Lauris about it and we made a deal- I'll go to Baltic Pride for a day if I can colour my head in rainbow colours and he's gonna pay for it :) Nice deal- I get what I want and he gets to have some more fun! :)
And also, I just found out today that The Vaccines is gonna support RHCP this summer in Estonia so it's gonna be a brilliant day with even better music! Ha! I was jumping around today the whole day after I got these news!

I'm starting to miss England now as I've been away for a while. I miss speaking proper English to native-speakers and I miss traveling. Feet are itchy again.  And I miss the places I went to, while in UK. I really miss Cardiff,  Bristol, even Cheddar and Axbridge.
I miss the people. When I'm all alone and have nothing to do, it's harder to think back to the past year but as soon as I'm occupied with loads of things (which I mostly am), it's all fine.

And also, I've got a bicycle now.
I jumped into the lake without sauna.
On K's birthday I made some plats to my friend's hair and beard and did him some make-up and he wore a dress :) Was pretty much fun!
We performed a  off-with-the-head surgery on a giant gummy bear!
I've got green stripes in my hair atm, but they are already fading :(




It's never boring around me!

Oh those articles.....

What do I have to do as a psychology bachelor's degree student? For homework, I mean.
Well, I have to make presentations about different articles, conclusions about them, analyse them, look how many times they have been cited and their influence. This will turn me into a true psychologist, won't it?
I've done about 4 presentations already- based on articles. Now I'm preparing for another one. I have to analyse some students' research and make an experiment myself. I have to put down my own motivation theories, write something about drugs, analyse and present an article about reading and writing disabilities, analyse another article about psychofarmacology. And, I have to make a project for my seminary work (also a research). And exams. Just a little bit of homework for this semester, isn't it?
And it's so practical. By doing this I will become the best psychologist ever.
I mean, understanding the basics is good, but... when will I learn the practical stuff?
All my friends already have become kind of a specialists in biology or special studies or pharmacology and could actually work in the field they are studying - all this after 3 years. But what about me? I don't feel like I'm qualified enough to do anything else besides maybe becoming a scientist  who's doing loads of researches on humans. And I'm not even gonna be qualified enough to publish proper articles.....
So what am I getting out of the thing I study? Definetely not the capability to understand the people. I know the articles. I know the science.
Yeah, I've realised I won't have anything to do with my degree once I will get it next spring. Nothing to do with it. What will I be?
- Let's all be quiet and enjoy my moment of panic. -

Exactly 1 year ago

Yesterday and today have been like some kind of an anniversary for me. Due to the reason that exactly 1 year ago I started my EVS. In a way it's a bit sad that it's the past now, but then again I'm happy as well. One year ago I felt extremely lonely and I seriously thought in the beginning of my EVS that what the hell have I gotten myself into now. And now that I'm back at home (at the moment in the village), where I'm surrounded by lots of people, I'm really really happy. I know what I want (kinda...) and I know where I belong. And I know that life is pretty. And Im a grown-up now. I'm working, going to school. And enjoying it. And I don't think that what the hell have I done now? I just love everthing I do.
I had a nice good sauna-spa yesterday for about 3 hrs, mostly with Heli and Judith. And it is so nice that they are around. I really like the fact that Judith is back in the villge. Even though it's the last time I see her today until she comes here again. And today I will jump into the ice whole with Judith. Without sauna before. Hehe. Should be fun.
And we'll be making snowmen today. We did 2 already yesterday. It is great!

A dream

My mind has started to create weird dreams at night again. So tonight I saw witches and wizards... Almost like Alice in Wonderland but a bit more creepy.
My dream started with me and my sis walking out of the door of our home at nighttime. From the very beginning, everything seemed weird- there was big Moon shining in the dark blue sky and then there seemed to be another Moon closer to the ground- nearly invisible. Extremely pale and didn't shine much. Then I saw a pink rabbit that looked as if it had been turned into a balloon- it was that big. And me and my sis were walking  around in the garden and then noticed a witch flying across the sky, in front of the big shiny Moon. And the witch came closer to the ground, towards us. And then it grabbed my sister and the pink rabbit and I grabbed my sisters leg. The witch tried to take off, but it couldn't. I managed to shake the witch off her broomstick. And somehow I tried to fly around then. And the broomstick wasn't a broomstick any more but it was something like a stretched rabbit, like a seat made out of cloth and I was sitting in it. And then I took off, it was daytime and I was flying above the trees and the witch was guiding me from the ground on how to fly. And she wasn't angry at all. And then there was some kind of a chase (I can't exactly remember it) and all of a sudden it was all dark again. Only the Moon shining in the sky. And then the witch grabbed the broomstick from me again....
And then I woke up.

The bucket list for this year

Kerttu had a  birthday party and we all decided to make a bucket list for all of us! So here is mine:

• An alcohol-free March
• Bikini made out of double cream
• Dye my hair with a semi-permanent hair colour that my friends who were in the birthday choose - bright green
• Make a picnic to this group of friends who were at birthday
• watch the falling stars in August for 2hrs and count all the falling stars
• Hug some mascot.
• Tell some random stranger something beautiful once a week.
• Make 5 9gag posts. (There will be the first one this week)
• Walk across the Kaarsild with bikini
• Dance on the table
• Not to use 9gag for one week
• Put myself into the bone marrow donors list and donate if possible
• Go to Zavood dressed as a Zombie

And a quote from today - "I don't know that many strangers"- by me.

All you need is love!

I'm in the village at the moment and just felt I needed to make a post here. Most of the inhabitants are already asleep, only one of them is sitting next to me, watching telly and occasionally talking to me. I just had one of my co-workers inviting me for a sit-together with Judith, who is back here from Germany!
The feeling is the best. I've had loads of people hugging me all the time, Huko just had great news from the National agency regarding the Seminary (that everything is written properly and the organization I made, was good enough for the agency).
I just feel happy. I feel as I belong here.
The feeling I have when an inhabitant is looking really really happy when they see me and then runs to me to give me a hug. And you feel the unconditional love. And it's so good. I had a year without it. Now I don't understand how I managed to survive without it. The love, the feel of truly belonging somewhere. There are no words to describe it.

Honestly, in order to be happy, all one person needs, is love!

And I don't even need to have a boyfriend who would love me. This love I already have is more than enough. It is just beautiful!

Is it a dream or is it reality?

Firstly, sorry for not posting for a while. I've been busy with work and school and haven't had much motivation to write here either. I've planned everyday to write here, but eventually by the end of the evening I notice that the day is over and I haven't done a new post.

It is nice to be back home. I was welcomed by a nice freeze and some snow which have become a bit milder now. I have seen loads of my friends, still got many to see. Heli, the new EVS, has started to work in the village and is a nice company to me. The village is mostly the same and I felt straightaway as if I had never been away. It's nice.
And school- I have realized I've become a grown-up during my year in the UK- I am more motivated to do my school stuff, pay attention in the lectures. And I spread my homework for the whole semester so that I don't pile it all up.
My English has already gone down a bit, I have difficulties remembering some words sometimes. It might be due to the exhaustion I have as well (not much free time). And even though my English is getting worse again, my Estonian is not getting much better quickly either. I still sometimes think in English and start talking to people or reply them automatically in English, without even noticing it myself.....

Do I miss England? Good question. I don't know. I guess the realization of begin away from there, hasn't hit me yet. I still feel that I can go to the Lodge every day, or to work. The memories compared to my usual trips are different. They are more real. It just came to my mind, that it wasn't a typical trip abroad that later seems to have been a dream. As it was longer, it is all real. A life. To where I could go back again. I remember the smells, the temperature, all the different feelings a lot better. People's accents, their behaviour and typical things they do. When I think of a person, I remember how they exactly were. It's sometimes sad to talk about this year.
Everybody ask me how I enjoyed my EVS - I need time to decide. It is all too fresh. In the beginning when I got home, I was a lot more negative about my job than I am now. I was slightly pissed off by some things connected to my project. Things that were left unnoticed. But as the time goes by, my opinion about my project becomes more objective. So, I guess in half a year's time, I can tell a lot less subjective opinion about my EVS: So it's better not to ask....

Right now all I can say, that my feet are itchy...... I crave to go somewhere, even though I have no time at least until summer. And no money either. I'm gonna buy myself a bicycle soon- in the best hope that it will relieve the itching in my feet (and also for the workout purposes)....

Welcome home!

Quote

I just read from my friends' blog a sentence I had told them during my welcome party.

"We're all sisters and brothers when it comes to alcohol..."

I don't remember saying that, but hell, it's so true!