If I only understood myself

Sorry for not posting anything informative in the past couple of weeks. I've just been lazy or not motivated enough to do anything useful. Even right now I'm actually forcing myself to do something instead of just sitting in the facebook and staring at people's updates and pictures hoping there will be something interesting or someone will start talking to me. Complete waste of time, I know.

So. I haven't done much in the past couple of weeks. I went to Cardiff to see G the last weekend. Had a Monday off, so I stayed in Cardiff a little longer. Wanted to see the folk museum and go to the bay again, but as the weather was so miserable, I didn't do either of them. It was really windy and drizzling.
Went to pub a lot, ate spicy food, watched telly and just relaxed and enjoyed a weekend outside Somerset. Stayed up late. Had fun.
On Sunday, when we were in the pub then at one point when I was ordering some Guinness, there was "While my guitar gently weeps" playing in the speakers and I started singing along to it. Then a man next to me asked me if I could play guitar and I replied that I can. So he started talking about himself and the fact that he has a tutor and has some trouble with getting the F chord. And then told me to practice 15mins every day and "get that little finger going" and once I would get the F I'd get all the other positions as well. I got my beers and went back to the place I sat and told G about that strange man.
Then the pub closed the section we were sitting in and we had to go downstairs and suprise surprise - the man was still sitting there. Then after a while he noticed me and G and started telling me about the F again. He was pretty loud so the whole pub started listening to our conversation. And then... The joke began... G knew what the man was talking about but then asked him if he has read the book about Kamasutra. And the whole conversation got the whole different meaning. Probably the audience didn't understand a thing we were talking about until Kamasutra was mentioned. Everybody were rolling in laughter, I had tears in my eyes. The man was still talking about the guitar, G about Kamasutra. About position 1, position to, to practice f with the little finger every day 15 mins. The bar attendant tried to quiet us down but eventually gave up as he was laughing so hard. Oh, I still laugh my head off when I think about it. Brilliant conversation. When we left the pub I told in a very loud voice to the man to practice the F because I am already pretty good at it and my little finger works good. And then we left, leaving behind bursts of laughter.

Besides that trip to Cardiff, I haven't done anything else basically. Just work, leisure centre. I watch Torchwood now so this takes away a big amount of my free time.
The thing with me right now is that I'm so confused about everything. It feels like bipolar and a very intense one. I mean, on stage in bipolar is supposed to last for days, even weeks, but my mood changes every couple of hours. I miss home, I don't miss it, I'm happy to be here, I'm happy that it's only about 3 months left 'til I go home, I'm happy not to travel around much, I want to have some action in my life, I'm scared of going home and setteling down there again, I'm scared of leaving this country, I want to talk to people, I don't want to. I dont' understand myself any more at all. And it is so tiring.

I just try to keep myself busy with all the activities and just look happy so that no-one would ask me anything.
I've taken some pictures in the area and will upload them here now.
In about 30 mins time I'll go to hunt some pictures of the Moon. Let's see how good my digital camera is :)

Oh, and what's more- it seems that as the weekend comes we ain't got no heating and warm water. It's happened for two weekends now. Starts to piss me off already.