Exactly when you think you know it all, you discover you know nothing...... about yourself. About your future.

I cried when I left Estonia. I cried when I was supposed to laugh. I had promised myself I won't cry. I let myself down. I don't regret.
I waited hours in the airport. I flied, travelled.

Now that I'm back in here, I'm not crying. I'm calm. Calm in the inside. Calm in a happy way.
I have fallen in love. With the country. With the EVS. I have finally settled in. I have finally found my place in the world again. It took some time, but I have found it again. And I've realised that it won't last for too long. I will have this place only for another 6 months. Then everything is going to change again. And I don't know how it's going to change. What's going to happen. I thought I knew, but no.... I've no idea.

Now that I live in my new home, I'm a lot happier. I have a really nice roommate, who I can talk to. She has a car. I have a social life in here now. I've got loads of plans, there are lots of people to see. I have quite a busy life. I can't go to leisure centre yet, but I'm trying to start with it again sometime next week.
I have started to take some guitar lessons and have already had one. There will be another one next week. Even the first one made a big change- I can now play "Hallelujah" in the Jeff Buckley version a bit. I do my own stuff in the middle of it, but it sounds really nice.
As I now have a garden, then I spent the last weekend in there. The garden is full of bushes and is really overgrown and Timi and me decided to make it look nice again. So the last weekend was dedicated to it. Now we have some more square metres of walking space and soon (when I've got some time again) the garden will be really big. And we discovered we might even have a tiny pond in it. It was hidden in the bushes. Doing gardening has made my home a real home to me now. I have done some changes in my home myself and now I'd really like to stay in here. The gardening really turned the Lodge into a home.

Some people have asked me out. I've got more people to go out with now. I have seen the new Potter-movie. It was a lot better than I expected it to be. We went to see it quite spontaneously- it was a 5min decision. Good choice, I would say.

What else... I don't know. I have just realised that I'm living my English dream. I am actually living it. I have woken up. It's nice. It's time to enjoy it while I still can.
I am in love with the place I am living in. No miserable feelings any more. Right now I don't want to think about the time I have to go back home. I even don't want to contact people at home very much right now. I know that soon I will want to talk to them very much. But right now I have the peace in my mind and soul and I want it to be like that. So yeah, my friends, I might not talk to you that often in the following couple of weeks, but bear in mind- I haven't forgotten you. I just can't contact Estonia right now.

I know that I will have people waiting for me at home. I know that it will be really good to go home and things will still be the same. Different, but still the same. And I know that when I get back it won't feel that I've been away. Now I know how it feels to go home after being away for a long time. And I guess this gives me the peace in my mind that I have in here. I think that this visit home was the thing I needed to proceed with my life in the UK.

I don't want to think about the future. It will be good to go back home again in February. But I've just realised that time is flying so fast. I don't know if I want it to stop. Or go faster. Or with the same speed. I just don't know.
I don't know anything any more. Almost. The one thing I know, is that I want to travel more. Don't know where, or which way. But I don't want to stop.
And setteling down is definetely not for me either. When it feels like it, then maybe, but right now it doesn't feel like it.

I love travelling.

I would like to travel the whole world, all the continents. Maybe I will do it in the future? For a year? Or two? Work in one country for a while, earn some money, go to another, work there and so on and on and on. This plan has been in my mind since the trip to Ireland. And it's getting more and more clear in my mind and forming a shape. Nice, scary and attractive form.
I'm scared of it, but at the same time love it. Dare to dream and dare to make those dreams come true.

Isn't it my life motto- all the people like to dream, but only a few make their dreams come true. I belong to the last group.