8/25/2011

Respites strike again

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I was talking today to one of our respite residents and then they asked me if I was a model.

German, model.... What comes next?

Oh yeah, I twisted my ankle a little bit again today. In step class. So I had to go to the reception to ask for some ice. And well, there was no way I was gonna miss my class. So I held the ice on my leg for 10mins and then returned to the class. Luckily I had the strap on when I twisted it, so nothing too bad happened. I hope. Will see tomorrow, I guess.
I hate my ankle.

8/22/2011

Programs that are inside and start to work....

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As the beginning of September is approaching, a tingling feeling in my tummy has started to get stronger and stronger. It took me a while to realize that it's because of the end of summer. for 14 years I have had a routine in the beginning of September. The school is starting. And now I really feel I want to go to school, work my guts out and just study. But I can't do that. At least in the way that I want to.
So this feeling is a notice to me that school is starting and I should go to Tartu and see my friends. Pack my belongings and just move to school. Yet, there's one problem- no school for me for this autumn.
So I have started to miss Estonia a bit now. I miss Tartu in autumn. I miss the spirit of this town. I think I know what is the spirit of Tartu to me- it is the students walking around in the sunny central of the town. The town being filled with young people. I miss going to the uni library, I miss walking around in Tartu. I miss waking up very early to go to lectures, getting home, relaxing in my apartement, cooking some student-food, eating, watching movies. I miss going out in Tartu where there's always a possibility to see some friends. Everywhere you go, you have a chance to see someone you know. And you also get to make new friends. I miss the spirit of Zavood. Having a beer there, or tequila. Requesting music from the bar attendants.
I miss my friends and walking around in the beautiful Tartu. That's the spirit of Tartu to me.
The feeling of wisdom and autumn and students and school and sunshine and warm beautiful old-summer's weather. And then rain in the morning. Misty mornings, when you have to wear wellies.

It's hard to be in here right now in this routine that I've fallen to. I need changes.
Can't do much to change anything in here.

I hope that at least someone feels similar feelings in the beginning of September or in the end of August. I can't describe it. It is just a feeling.

Blimey, I have become so emotional and analytic about my feelings recently. Scary.

8/19/2011

Motivation deprivation

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I've been pretty busy during those past couple of weeks that I've just managed to post the most important and interesting things I've done in here.
But there are loads of other things, too.

For example I've been out with the residents a lot. I went to Bristol Zoo, Willowboats, Weston Pier, Longleat safari park, today I went to see the SS Great Britain. Some pub lunches, just trips out.

I haven't been doing work inside the house much and have just travelled around with the residents. I really loved SS Great Britain today - now I have an idea that I should once try to work on a sailing ship or sth. Oh those ideas!

I managed to break my camera while I was in Brecon so I can't travel around much in the closer future. I got myself a new camera from my last Estonian money today so now I have to collect money again. My scottish trip will happen in the distant future then, I reckon.

I have a new bicycle- will upload a picture soon, when I will get the change to take a picture of it again. Next week, probably.

I haven't got much motivation to do anything right now. I am not bothered enough to write to all my friends all over the world, not bothered to stay in Skype and call lots of them. I'm just staying in my room, or going to leisure centre or playing guitar. Will have to perform in couple of weeks time in front of approx. 200 people.

Timi is on holiday so I'm all alone in here until the end of the month.
I just made bread in here. Didn't turn out the best as I'm not used to the oven yet, but it'll get better in the future. At least it tasted good, it was just a bit burnt.

Vero is coming tomorrow. So I've got some company for the weekend! Haven't seen her since April so can't wait now :)

If I only had motivation to use my time more efficiently. I have become lazy in this country. Shame on me. (should contact some more people and not waste time just sitting and staring at the ceiling....)

8/16/2011

Into the Wild = Brecon Beacons

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This weekend was probably one of the best weekends I have had in this country. Or in the UK I mean. The reason for that- I went on a bicycle trip with G. We went to Brecon Beacons National park which is located north from Cardiff.

The trip started on Thursday evening for me, when I finished work and packed my bag to go to Cardiff. Firstly, the bag I wanted to take with me to the trip, broke because of the weight it had to carry. So I had to take a lot more uncomfortable bag. Then, when I started cycling, the chain of my bicycle came off. Repaired it quickly. And then, with some rain, I cycled to Weston. I catched the train to Cardiff, tried to go to a pub G told me to meet him (got lost several times due to misunderstanding the instructions). When I finally managed to get to the pub, I met one of G's friends there and we just stayed there for a little while. And then headed to G's place where we stayed up quite late.

In the morning just before heading off to the trip, we discovered I had a flat tire. So the beginning of the trip was a bit delayed. But nevermind. We cycled out of Cardiff, through the castle grounds and then made a break after cycling for about an hour. G had hurt one of his rib muscles somehow so he wasn't feeling the best and we decided to take a train to Merthyr. After half an hour in the train we got off and started heading towards Brecon. The ride was nice, although we had some rain, it wasn't a downpour. During our trip we saw in one place a tiny boy, about 4 years old, who was driving with a bicycle, swearing hard and telling that he's a professional :) Great laugh.
We cycled through some towns, past some beautiful mountains. The Taff trail is really nice. But then... We had a bit of a problem because some of the signs on the trail disappeared (probably someone had stolen them) and we got lost. We managed to end up somewhere in the middle of a wild and very thick forest and decided to make a camp over there. G had a gas heater for hiking, which we used during our breaks to make tea and now as we set up the camp, we had some more tea and then made campfire as it got darker. We had to be very careful with the camping because we weren't in official campsites. But being in the middle of the forest in nowhere was really cool. We collected some firewood, had a spring right next to us to start cooking so we made some rice with vegetables, Estonian black bread and some Estonian chocolate. It was a very lovely evening, sitting next to a campfire. Proper camping that I hadn't done in a while. In beautiful nature with no-one to disturb us. As we were pretty tired, we went to sleep as soon as we ran out of firewood. It rained during the evening and the whole night. Luckily the tent was good enough and we didn't get wet. It was a bit cold though, because we had no mattresses and were sleeping just on the ground. And it was a bit tough ground, too, because the ground was all made out of tiny stones. But it was a really nice night. I couldn't sleep too much though, because I was shivering sometimes and also the raindrops falling on the tent made a loud noise. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot- G lost all his gears during the day so he had to do some repairing, also.

The following day we started our trip again around midday. After packing up and removing all the signs of us staying in the place, we continued our way on the path that we thought was the Taff trail. It wasn't. But eventually we managed to get back to the trail for a little while and then lost it again. We cycled past beautiful reservoirs. We had some rain, some sunshine. When we were a bit lost, we pushed our bikes very steep uphill and ended up in an ancient forest. The trees had fallen everywhere and were left there the way they had fallen. They were all covered with lots of moss. It felt somewhat magical in this forest. I managed to break the screen of my camera when I had it in my pocket (I also had some coins in the same pocket) so taking pictures turned out a bit complicated. After getting through this magical forest, we managed to get even more lost and ended up somewhere in the middle of some valleys on the side of the mountain from where the trees were cut down. So we decided to have a tea-break there because it was such a lovely place. you could see miles from that place. The view was just stunning- all the ways only nature, some sheep, pine forests, mountains, clouds and rain. You could see the rain coming from the distance by looking at the mountains. There was also an abandoned shelter we saw in the distance. It felt like Into the Wild movie. I really really loved it. I tried to climb on top of one of the mountains next to what we were but it just seemed to keep going on and on so I just went uphill a little bit. But the view was just perfect. I feel goosebumps even when I think about this place. Just soooooooooo pretty. You see places like this in the perfect wildlife movies, but experiencing it by yourself- just amazing. After enjoying this place for about two hours we decided we have to find a place to camp. While I was climbing the mountain, one cyclist had gone past G and told him that Merthyr is not far, so we started heading towards the place. We ended up in a tiny village next to Pontsticill reservoir and decided to make a camp next to the reservoir. It was a really beautiful lake and camping there seemed like a movie again. As we hadn't found any shops during our trip, we just ate some more vegetables with pasta in the evening. G made us a very nice fireplace and our tent was facing the water. Like a dream. We boiled some water from the reservoir, made a campfire and just sat and enjoyed the place. This kind of places just don't seem real! It was so so cool! And we had no cell phone signal in this place for 2 days, we just had our stuff, our food and had to manage with the water. Proper hiking :) And on the second night we didnt have almost any rain at all.
Sleeping was a bit harder on that night, though. Our tent a bit on the hillside so we kept slipping to one corner of the tent all the time and there were big rocks under the tent which hurt a little bit. But it was warmer.

On Sunday morning we packed our stuff together once again and collected some wild mint that was growing on the side of the reservoir and then started heading back towards Cardiff. We wanted to stop in a pub somewhere to have a proper meal but we didn't see any pubs on our way for almost the whole trip. So we just cycled for almost 4 hrs. During the trip my brakes gave up so we had to repair them, too. In Merthyr we cycled past some children (around the age of 5) who were just standing on the side of the cycling path and telling everybody to fuck off. Small child showing you the finger and yelling "Fuck you, fuck you......." was just so surprising. But I found out it was a rough area in Merthyr and we just had to drive through it as fast as we could.
During our trip we talked to other cyclists and some of them offered even help when we had the brakes' problem. So nice of them. I also heard some Welsh-English and couldn't understand almost a thing that people were telling. And Scottish accent is supposed to be even worse? Crazy..... But yeah, people were so friendly and talking to us all the time we saw someone.
Before getting to Cardiff we made a stop in one pub to eat something and have a pint of Guinness. It felt so good. And after the break we cycled the last 6 miles to G's home, had a shower and then went to a pub again to see G's friend. After the pub closed, we went to an Indian restaurant that does also takeaways and took a proper curry to home and ate a meal. And straight after finishing the meal, we ended up sleeping so tight.

And well, today morning G had to go to work by 8 o'clock, so I decided that it would only be fair to him if I got up as well and not sleep later. So I got up and we went to the town center and then G went to work, I headed back to Weston. Cycling home from Weston was hard and tiring. The hardest 11 miles I have done, probably.

I lost my bicycle lock during the trip so I went to work and asked if I could get another one from there and then I was told that my bicycle's tyres need to be replaced and I told about the brakes and then the manager of the house just told that they might as well get me a new bicycle. So I got the money, went to the shop with one of our drivers and on Wednesday I will get my new bike. Nice end to a nice trip :)

But now I'm too tired to write anything else and will go to sleep. This sleep will be good, I already feel it :)

I can say that I absolutely loved this cycle trip and cycled altogether around 100 miles which is 160 km approximately.

The best trip in the UK.

In the magical wilderness :)

8/11/2011

Forest of Dean, Littledean and Gloucester

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On the last weekend I had a small trip to see some of the volunteers who live in a place called Littledean. It's located right next to the Forest of Dean and close to Gloucester. So I decided to have a look around in the city and see the cathedral. Firstly, I started my day with cycling to Weston. Then I catched a train to Bristol, where I changed it to go to Gloucester. When I got there I discovered it's really easy to walk around there- it had signs for tourists everywhere. And the central was tiny. So I went straightaway to see the cathedral. I saw the places where some parts of Harry Potter was filmed. The cathedral was nice, but nothing too spectacular compared to the ones I have seen already. But I still enjoyed it. And it was huge and majestic. After seeing the cathedral I went towards the docks and then discovered I had a message from Boris, a French volunteer who also came to visit Littledean. So I went and met him and we went once again to the Cathedral. On that day I managed to go to the cathedral 4 times.
Me and Boris walked around in the city, had a lunch in Wetherspoons and then met Elif (Turkish volunteer living 15min from Gloucester) and the new volunteers for her project. After talking to them shortly we all headed towards the coach station and took buses to our destinations.


Littledean is lovely. It's on the hillside and it's really rural. But nicely. As it's time for all the fruits to get ready you could pick plums from the trees and eat blackberries also. And the house of the volunteers was on the hillside, so you could see very far- about 20 miles or maybe even more? Anyway, the volunteers had a really nice big house- 4 floors and loads of space. Huge kitchen with all the necessary equipment. We had a walk around in the area to eat some fruits and then prepared a supper which was all made out of fresh vegetables that were organic and grown by the volunteers themselves during their project. Nice.... :)
In the evening we played poker and sooner than you could think it was already late night and we went to sleep.


The following day we went to Asha centre where the volunteers worked. We walked aroung with Marta and Hugo, because Laura and Quang Hai weren't that much into walking around. On our trip to Asha Centre we walked through the Forest of Dean. It's so nice and big. We had some rain during our walk but none of us minded it. We picked some garlic mustard and I've got some seeds at home now. :) Forest of Dean has lots of pine trees in it and also many old oak trees. Big, beautiful! I just loved it! I had a little bit of magical feeling while staying in the forest. And I also decided I would like to make a hiking trip into the forest. Trying to talk G into this now ;)


In the Asha Centre we ate lots of plums and berries and also picked some vegetables to eat lunch. It was a quick lunch because I had to catch a bus- it was Sunday, so the buses didn't go very often. I made a crown out of cornflowers :) After the meal we rushed to the bus stop and Laura and Quang Hai and Larissa (some girl who stayed in the volunteers home for a month for some project) brought me my backpack quickly. So all the volunteers sent me away.
I travelled to Weston by train. From Weston I cycled home. I got soaking wet because it started pouring water. Nice preparation for my bicycle trip that I'll start tomorrow. :)

But I know one thing- those volunteers are amazing and I really hope to see them all again. :) I don't know when or where, but I will meet them again!
And I will also go back to the Forest of Dean.

8/10/2011

Laughter

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A Dying grandma tells her grandchild: "I want to leave you my farm. It has a villa, tractor, all kinds of equipment, buildings with animals in it and also 22 389 000 dollars." The newly rich granddaughter says: "Oh granny, you're so generous! I didn't even know you had a farm! Where is it located?" The grandma' replies with her last breath "In Facebook...."

Autumn breeze

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It has been a week now since I had the first feeling of autumn. It's really weird- it can even happen in the middle of July or in the middle of September. But it's the feeling that tells me that autumn's not far away.
First time I had the feeling, I was driving home from one of my day trips last Thursday. The second time was today.
I was cycling to the leisure centre and there was wind blowing. But the wind was different from the usual. And the sun that was up in the sky, was also different. The colour of it had changed. The angle it was shining from, was different. Noticeably different. And the wind was cold but not too cold. And the sun wasn't warming too much any more.
I might be weird but the first notice of change of sun and wind are the signs to me that autumn's coming.

I have no idea how to describe the feeling- it's tingling, at the same time nostalgic, anxious, happy, sad. It feels like there's somethine big coming and at the same time there's something pulling your chest together and trying to suck the air out of your lungs. And at the same time you smell the fresh and cold breeze. It's the feeling that tells you things are changing. And it feels like the end of something and the beginning of something.
It's really hard to describe the feeling.
But I know that I love it. Because it feels so good.
It's tickling.

I don't know whether to be happy or not- autumn- I love it. When it's the last warm weather of autumn and it's sunny. All the trees are colourful and it's just so beautiful. But in here autumn is supposed to start in October/end of Sept. Still quite a while to go. But I guess I still have the Estonian seasonal clock programmed into me that tells me, it's autumn coming up.
I would like to be in Tartu to see it. It's the best place for enjoying this season. I don't know why, but I love it there the most.
I hope it will be nice in here, also.

It feels like the school should start, but it doesn't for me. And it's weird. I'm not used to it.

I get similar tickling feeling before the spring starts. But the components that make up this feeling are different. Yet, it's the same.

Spring feeling - click on it

8/02/2011

Hehe

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Today was a weird day.

Firstly one of the respites just looked at me and then asked if I was German. I hadn't even spoken to him so there was no reason he could've known I'm foreign. But well, he just had one look at me and then asked me this...... Funny.

And then.... in the afternoon many workers were acting exited because we had a celebrity in our house- it turned out that one of our residents' relative is Honor Blackman. Maybe the name Pussy Galore says more? She was the third bond girl in the Goldfinger movie.... I had no idea who she was until someone told me... But even at the age 85 she looked pretty stunning.

8/01/2011

Busy bee

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This week has been crazy busy for me. I have done so many things that it might be even hard to count them all up.

I'll start from the last weekend.
On Saturday we had a barbecue with Timi in here. She had invited some of her friends to our place so we all just grilled and enjoyed the day. And ate. I didn't stay at the barbecue for too long, because I was supposed to go to Cardiff on the same day. So I was at the BBQ only for two hours. Then I cycled to Weston. Blimey, it was so hard- the wind was so strong, my stamina had gone low, and I had a flat tire. Well- altogether- I was gonna miss my train that I planned to catch. I quickly dropped my bicycle off to on of my co-workers home and then rushed to the shop to get a cake and wine for G. And then I knew I had missed the train because I was 10 minutes late. But, to my big surprise- the train was 20 mins late, so I didn't miss it. Had a nice journey to Cardiff and I managed to go to G's place by myself without getting lost in the town. Ha ha! He was expecting me to call him to tell that I'm lost. Instead I called him to get the keys to get into his flat. I gave him the wine, cake with candles and the present. He was very happy about the mug and the candle :) That made me happy too- I had nailed with all the stuff! Ha!
In the evening we went out to a local pub and then went to an Indian restaurant which had such big meal that I couldn't even eat half of it. But it was so gooood and spicy :)
After the Indian restaurant we went back to G's place and drank some wine and just chatted.
The following morning I had a hangover- really- Guinness gives me hangover. I only had 3 pints!
Anyway we just slept very long and when we finally got up, it was just enough time to eat something and then go to the train station to go home.

On Monday I went to Stonehenge and Salisbury. What can I say about those places- Stonehenge is tiny- a lot smaller than I expected it to be. And yeah, it's a pile of rocks. I didn't feel any magic in it - maybe because it was flooded with tourists? Hmmm..... But in Salisbury we had a pub lunch and then went to the cathedral! It was so beautiful! It had the inside garden that looked a bit like the one that's in Harry Potter movies. I love british cathedrals!

On Tuesday I went swimming again. And Wednesday I tried out Spinning. I was sweating as hell in the first 5 minutes already, but I loved it. It was really good :) Gonna do it again as soon as I can. After the spinning I did the Pilates, too :) The following morning was painful.....

On Thursday I went to Seaton with the residents and we drove on the Tramway which is there. It was a nice sunny day out- though nothing too special for me, because most of the things we saw, we have in Estonia, too. We just drove about 20 mins on tram from one station to another, looking at old oak trees and a river and then in the other station had some ice cream and then went back to the original station by tram. And then home, of course.
In the evening I had Body COnditioning and Step class :) I'm working out hard now, to be properly fit for my bicycle trip.

On Friday evening I went to guitar lesson again. I found out that my pronounciation is not the best for some songs and I should work on it. Iain (my guitar teacher) also showed me some ways to play "Elu keset metsa" in a more complicated way. I have now developed it in my room a bit more, so it sound pretty good and more colourful. After the guitar session I had supper in in my co-worker's home with his family- they made mexican food- something like wraps! Really good :) I watched some TV there also and was then taken back to my home :) I really love this family- they are all so great! I'm gonna make some black bread soon and will give some to them, because the mother od the family loves it :) At least I can do something. And I'm really happy for my guitar lessons. I feel some development!

On Saturday I went to Bristol to get some stuff from Primark for my sis and mom and dad and sent it off. I also wanted to get myself a raincoat because it's necessary in here, and it's about time to get one for me. So I went to a sports store and they had big discounts! I got a really good quality raincoat for 20 pounds- it was originally 45 quid. And I got myself a cardigan from Primark also :) After the big shopping (during what I got some rye flour and other ingredients for the bread) I sent the package off to my family and then went to see Bristol Harbour festival. It was a free festival. I only saw one band performing but they weren't good at all. To be honest, they were horrible. Didn't enjoy it at all. But the crowd and the festival environment was enjoyable, though. As the buses don't go to my home from Weston very late any more I had to leave from Bristol early- that's why I couldn't see many bands. I would've wanted to see more, but well- nothing I can do about it....
At home I just relaxed, watched movies and then went to sleep. Oh yeah- I made pancakes for myself, too! Heavenly bliss!

Today me and Timi went to a town called The Street and there's a big shopping village called Clarks village. Timi is going on a holiday soon, so she wanted some clothes. I got myself sandals- really nice ones. Cost only 8 quid- it was also from a sports shop- the original prize was 35 :) And I really love those sandals- they are those ancient Greek style sandals :)
After getting home I just cooked some pasta with spinach, cleaned a bit and then played some guitar.

Time flies so fast.
It's already almost midnight in here. Crazy.....

When you are flying around like a bee and are busy all the time you don't even notice the time going by.....

7/23/2011

Exactly when you think you know it all, you discover you know nothing...... about yourself. About your future.

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I cried when I left Estonia. I cried when I was supposed to laugh. I had promised myself I won't cry. I let myself down. I don't regret.
I waited hours in the airport. I flied, travelled.

Now that I'm back in here, I'm not crying. I'm calm. Calm in the inside. Calm in a happy way.
I have fallen in love. With the country. With the EVS. I have finally settled in. I have finally found my place in the world again. It took some time, but I have found it again. And I've realised that it won't last for too long. I will have this place only for another 6 months. Then everything is going to change again. And I don't know how it's going to change. What's going to happen. I thought I knew, but no.... I've no idea.

Now that I live in my new home, I'm a lot happier. I have a really nice roommate, who I can talk to. She has a car. I have a social life in here now. I've got loads of plans, there are lots of people to see. I have quite a busy life. I can't go to leisure centre yet, but I'm trying to start with it again sometime next week.
I have started to take some guitar lessons and have already had one. There will be another one next week. Even the first one made a big change- I can now play "Hallelujah" in the Jeff Buckley version a bit. I do my own stuff in the middle of it, but it sounds really nice.
As I now have a garden, then I spent the last weekend in there. The garden is full of bushes and is really overgrown and Timi and me decided to make it look nice again. So the last weekend was dedicated to it. Now we have some more square metres of walking space and soon (when I've got some time again) the garden will be really big. And we discovered we might even have a tiny pond in it. It was hidden in the bushes. Doing gardening has made my home a real home to me now. I have done some changes in my home myself and now I'd really like to stay in here. The gardening really turned the Lodge into a home.

Some people have asked me out. I've got more people to go out with now. I have seen the new Potter-movie. It was a lot better than I expected it to be. We went to see it quite spontaneously- it was a 5min decision. Good choice, I would say.

What else... I don't know. I have just realised that I'm living my English dream. I am actually living it. I have woken up. It's nice. It's time to enjoy it while I still can.
I am in love with the place I am living in. No miserable feelings any more. Right now I don't want to think about the time I have to go back home. I even don't want to contact people at home very much right now. I know that soon I will want to talk to them very much. But right now I have the peace in my mind and soul and I want it to be like that. So yeah, my friends, I might not talk to you that often in the following couple of weeks, but bear in mind- I haven't forgotten you. I just can't contact Estonia right now.

I know that I will have people waiting for me at home. I know that it will be really good to go home and things will still be the same. Different, but still the same. And I know that when I get back it won't feel that I've been away. Now I know how it feels to go home after being away for a long time. And I guess this gives me the peace in my mind that I have in here. I think that this visit home was the thing I needed to proceed with my life in the UK.

I don't want to think about the future. It will be good to go back home again in February. But I've just realised that time is flying so fast. I don't know if I want it to stop. Or go faster. Or with the same speed. I just don't know.
I don't know anything any more. Almost. The one thing I know, is that I want to travel more. Don't know where, or which way. But I don't want to stop.
And setteling down is definetely not for me either. When it feels like it, then maybe, but right now it doesn't feel like it.

I love travelling.

I would like to travel the whole world, all the continents. Maybe I will do it in the future? For a year? Or two? Work in one country for a while, earn some money, go to another, work there and so on and on and on. This plan has been in my mind since the trip to Ireland. And it's getting more and more clear in my mind and forming a shape. Nice, scary and attractive form.
I'm scared of it, but at the same time love it. Dare to dream and dare to make those dreams come true.

Isn't it my life motto- all the people like to dream, but only a few make their dreams come true. I belong to the last group.