Last week, when a friend of mine, who is from Estonia, had her leaving party here, I started to think deeper about my life which is currently divided between three countries and two out of those countries have grown so close to me, that imagining leaving one of them for the other would be a very hard task. I don't know what it is, but amongst almost all my good Estonian friends come and go deep and painful longings for our fatherland.
One friend of mine had such a bad crisis just couple of months ago and as the result of that her boyfriend started to learn Estonian, although until then he had shown little or no interest in the language. She got over her crisis but we spoke about it a lot at the time. She has a good job here, where she can actually do something and change the lives of people, at the same time it's also a well paid job. In Estonia she wouldn't get such a job with the kind of a wage she has right now. Her occupation doesn't even exist in Estonia.
Another friend of mine still keeps her name in the list of an Estonian university, even though she has been living here for four years now. She has taken maternity leave, normal academic leave and soon that will be over as well. Still, she is not willing to give up that placement, although she is getting married here this year and has her whole life built here. There is always that small doubt... "what if?". What if things go wrong? She would at least have a backup plan then.
It is well known that the longer one person spends in another country, the less they start to miss their homeland. I can for sure confirm it. I've been living in Austria for almost three years now and it feels like home to me. Yet, when I go to Estonia, I feel the same way. It's nice to have two homes, isn't it? I would actually also have South-Tyrol as my home in the future, as my boyfriend comes from there, but my feelings towards that region are not that strong yet. Having two homes in two different countries is actually not that easy. The longer you live in one country, the more you get to know your way around, the local traditions and lifestyle. You just adapt to it. The circle of friends also grows bigger and bigger and the friends you make, will become closer and closer. I am really lucky to tell that I have also got really great friends in Estonia, with whom I will always remain as close to as I am now. But I have also got such friends in Austria.
The leaving party I attended made me think that I will also have to have my leaving party one day here, in Austria,. That made me feel really sad. It also made me not want to leave here ever. Then again, I also want to go back to Estonia. The realisation that the longer I stay here, the harder leaving will be, made me freak out a lot. It would be way easier to go, had I not made so many good friends here. In order to be happy somewhere, one needs friends. From pillar to post (nokk kinni, saba lahti).
As I never really thought so much about all the feelings related to leaving Austria, I was quite surprised. Leaving England seems like a child's play now next to it.
So how does it feel to share a life between two countries? Crap, it feels really crap, because whatever you will decide to do in the end, you will hurt many people and will be deeply hurt yourself too. There simply are no good solutions.
One friend of mine had such a bad crisis just couple of months ago and as the result of that her boyfriend started to learn Estonian, although until then he had shown little or no interest in the language. She got over her crisis but we spoke about it a lot at the time. She has a good job here, where she can actually do something and change the lives of people, at the same time it's also a well paid job. In Estonia she wouldn't get such a job with the kind of a wage she has right now. Her occupation doesn't even exist in Estonia.
Another friend of mine still keeps her name in the list of an Estonian university, even though she has been living here for four years now. She has taken maternity leave, normal academic leave and soon that will be over as well. Still, she is not willing to give up that placement, although she is getting married here this year and has her whole life built here. There is always that small doubt... "what if?". What if things go wrong? She would at least have a backup plan then.
It is well known that the longer one person spends in another country, the less they start to miss their homeland. I can for sure confirm it. I've been living in Austria for almost three years now and it feels like home to me. Yet, when I go to Estonia, I feel the same way. It's nice to have two homes, isn't it? I would actually also have South-Tyrol as my home in the future, as my boyfriend comes from there, but my feelings towards that region are not that strong yet. Having two homes in two different countries is actually not that easy. The longer you live in one country, the more you get to know your way around, the local traditions and lifestyle. You just adapt to it. The circle of friends also grows bigger and bigger and the friends you make, will become closer and closer. I am really lucky to tell that I have also got really great friends in Estonia, with whom I will always remain as close to as I am now. But I have also got such friends in Austria.
The leaving party I attended made me think that I will also have to have my leaving party one day here, in Austria,. That made me feel really sad. It also made me not want to leave here ever. Then again, I also want to go back to Estonia. The realisation that the longer I stay here, the harder leaving will be, made me freak out a lot. It would be way easier to go, had I not made so many good friends here. In order to be happy somewhere, one needs friends. From pillar to post (nokk kinni, saba lahti).
As I never really thought so much about all the feelings related to leaving Austria, I was quite surprised. Leaving England seems like a child's play now next to it.
So how does it feel to share a life between two countries? Crap, it feels really crap, because whatever you will decide to do in the end, you will hurt many people and will be deeply hurt yourself too. There simply are no good solutions.